A Seat At The Table

I am Donald Trump... and so are You!

Donald J Trump is the 45th President of the United States of America and a lot of people don't know how we they got here. I am in South Africa, so I can't even begin to imagine what Americans are facing or feeling and I won't event try, however we live in a global village and if America sneezes, the world shakes. So we are all in this together!

Donald was known for his diarrhoea like comments that were abrupt, violent and left a bad taste in the mouths of millions. Yet, here we are sad on social media and he is moving from the Trump Towers to the White House, I think we can officially coin the statement " Up like Donald Trump."

In an effort to be a better human being, who is less angry in traffic and gives hugs- I have decided to do some 'work' with the  spiritual guru Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla has a show called "Iyanla, Fix My Life" which takes her guests down a spiritual path which often looks at the conditioning that exists in the subconscious from childhood traumas or previous hurtful events. She has a Youtube program called A Deeper Dive where she explains the processes and steps the guests on the show have taken to allow viewers at home to also do the 'work' of healing. One of the great lessons I have learned is that "what you most dislike in another person is a reflection of what you most dislike about yourself."

With that said, I want to look at the 3 burning issues (and it was hard to narrow them down, because they are so many) that we have with The Donald and ultimately in ourselves as well as society.

Spoon full of sugar: This is not to condone or make excuses for him, but like the good book says we should judge others the way we want to be judged- so basically let us be consistent with our hypocrisy. 

1) The Assault on Women

The infamous words rang worlds over "grab them by the pussy". We heard the tapes play over and over and it was categorised as "locker room talk", like that makes it all ok..

Have you ever called a woman a bitch? whore? slut? hoe? To her face, or on her timeline, or under your breath or in your mind? Yes, the degrees of vulgarity differ but the effect is the same. It violates the personhood of a woman.

• 2 Pac's hit song 'Hit em up' starts with " First off, fuck your bitch... you claim to be a player but I fucked your wife." This is about a woman, her name is Faith Evans.

• Big Sean's platinum single " I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch i aint fuckin with you". This is about a woman, her name is Naya Rivera.

• Kanye West's song Famous and his reference to having sex with Taylor Swift coz "he made the bitch famous"- which he was subsequently absolved from thanks to footage from his ride or die. Taylor wanted to pull off a bit of a Hillary.. just a little bit. 

These are lyrics to songs we enjoy and they are not played in locker rooms, they are played on public radio. These lyrics then influence the conversations about women, therefore is it so unfathomable that someone could use language of that nature when we have a culture of disparaging women as part of entertainment?

Lets be honest, if those words were part of a song by Future, Designer or The Game we would be doing a juju on that beat and a series of dabs.

Too soon?

 Similarly any physical assault of women is #notokay, the millions of women who shared their personal stories of sexual assault on Twitter using that hashtag was heartbreaking. Every woman who has been subjected to men or women touching them inappropriately must continue to share their stories and most importantly report these perpetrators and perverts to the authorities.

The bottom line is we need to deeply examine the culture we have accepted with regards to the way we speak about and act around women, or it will persist. If you don't understand how derogatory and terrible to use the word 'bitch' on women, listen to Iyanla here to learn how ugly it really is.

2) Xenophobia

Have you ever thought, said or muttered "those people", "these damn foreigners" or "they" amakwerekwere referring to Chinese, Indians, Pakistanis, Nigerians, Zimbabweans, etc? Keep it real with yourself.

Donald came out very strongly with his plans to build a wall, a big beautiful wall to keep undocumented Mexicans from entering America. He has also said he will deal as harshly and drastically with people of the Muslim faith.

Lets take a moment to think about a world with no migration (forced or voluntary) and all we would have missed out on! We wouldn't know and enjoy the diabetes joys of pizza, pasta, macaroons, coffee, fanta orange, tea, french fries, haute couture fashions, sushi,  knock offs, diamonds, Beyonce, NBA ballers we love so much, the list is endless.
*Slavery is not and was not ok.


Right now the world is experiencing a mass exodus as people flee from war and poverty torn countries in pursuit of peace, food and safety. A dose of compassion could serve us all. Compassion, as defined by Iyanla is "the ability to understand how someone could have made that decision, but it does not mean that you condone their actions".

I believe that we are all citizens of the world with every right to be on earth, but at times we find ourselves without the required documents to be in our location. My advice to people in that situation is when find your feet and a place to lay your head, get the documents you need to- its ultimately for your protection because  you will have access to benefits and can enforce rights you can't without the documentation.

My humble opinon regarding the wall is it is not going to happen. The African National Congress promised free education and 22 years later students are still protesting for fees to fall. #FeesMustFall and #WallsMustFall!

3) Racism

I will have to disagree with my long time crush Lil Wayne on this one. Black lives do matter physically- in America and fiscally- in South Africa. We will not stop protesting on social media and on the streets until we sit at the table and we are served what is ours from the blood and sweat of our ancestors.

Many of us, even the most educated and spiritual struggle with challenges around race. Hatred, paranoia, ignorance and fear are the seed-bed of racism. Donald has preyed on these and his association with the KKK has perpetuated it to frightening point... to where African Americans are considering coming back to Africa. We will be waiting for Samuel L Jackson at the airport and we have prepared his RDP next door to Trey Songz.


So What Now? Do we hide our heads in the sand and hide ya wife, hide ya kids for the next 4 years?


A friend of mine gave me a MacBook Pro a few months ago when I was having PC drama- which was subsequently resolved. I tried to use the Mac a few times, but it resulted in frustration because I couldn't figure it out and I let it gather dust. Then yesterday, after visiting a client I realised I forgot my PC charger at her offices and I was not back there during peak traffic, but I had work to do. I picked up the Mac, spent 90 minutes watching a Youtube tutorial on how to use it, downloaded Office :) and I am typing this post from my Mac!


See, change is upon us and how we respond it entirely up to us. I was unwilling to change my habits until I was forced to- but I also had the option to go "tools down" until I got my charger. Trump is here for the next 4 years, you can chose to wait for the next leader or you can find a way to win and create better a world so next time you have worthy candidates. The leaders we have today are a reflection of all the behaviour we have allowed to infiltrate our personal lives; each vote tells a story.

Here are 5 practical things you can do over the next 4 years; consider it as getting a degree in being a better human. I am going to challenge myself too ..

1) Grab a new vocabulary.

We want to eat clean, so how about we speak clean? If you want to grab something for a woman, try grabbing a door and leave her pussy alone!

2) Lean In

Get involved in causes that promote women's rights, even if its an activity for a day or simply wearing a sticker! In the wake of the migration crisis, human trafficking has become a big problem, find out what you can do to protect and rescue young victims.

3) Invite a person of a different race for a meal in your home.

Be genuine and sincere in your invitation with a real desire to know who they are and hear their story. To those white people who have accepted that white privilege is real and admit you are beneficiaries of it, we are recruiting you to join the BLM movement. Perhaps when you explain it to your counterparts they may understand and have their own road to Damascus moment!

Side note: black people, when invited do not rock up empty handed- get flowers or wine even the cheap kind will do!

4) Ask a person of a different nationality to invite you to their home.

Try to time this request around their country's independence day because they will probably celebrate it. People in the diaspora love to be patriotic, from afar. Ask them to prepare a native, homemade dish from their country and some of their local music for you to have  a culinary and sensory journey to their birthplace.

*With 3 & 4,it  has to be intimate and do your best to learn. You can't control how the other person experiences it, but you will be better for it!

5) Love yourself

I love this poem by Nayyirrah Waheed from her book Salt:

If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world. but if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.

We can only give the love we have for ourselves to others and to love Him, who placed us here with all our soul, heart and mind. He controls the universe,  regardless of who is in the White House.

Basically;

I am Donald Trump... and so are You!

Donald J Trump is the 45th President of the United States of America and a lot of people don't know how we they got here. I am in South Africa, so I can't even begin to imagine what Americans are facing or feeling and I won't event try, however we live in a global village and if America sneezes, the world shakes. So we are all in this together!

Donald was known for his diarrhoea like comments that were explosive, violent and left a bad taste in the mouths of millions. Yet, here we are sad on social media and he is moving from the Trump Towers to the White House, I think we can officially coin the statement " Up like Donald Trump."

In an effort to be a better human being, who is less angry in traffic and gives hugs- I have decided to do some 'work' with the  spiritual guru Iyanla Vanzant. Iyanla has a show called "Iyanla, Fix My Life" which takes her guests down a spiritual path which often looks at the conditioning that exists in the subconscious from childhood traumas or previous hurtful events. She has a Youtube program called A Deeper Dive where she explains the processes and steps the guests on the show have taken to allow viewers at home to also do the 'work' of healing. One of the great lessons I have learned is that "what you most dislike in another person is a reflection of what you most dislike about yourself."

With that said, I want to look at the 3 burning issues (and it was hard to narrow them down, because they are so many) that we have with The Donald and ultimately in ourselves as well as society.

Spoon full of sugar: This is not to condone or make excuses for him, but like the good book says we should judge others the way we want to be judged- so basically let us be consistent with our hypocrisy. 

1) The Assault on Women

The infamous words rang worlds over "grab them by the pussy". We heard the tapes play over and over and it was categorised as "locker room talk", like that makes it all ok..

We heard the tapes play over and over and it was categorised as "locker room talk", like that makes it all ok..

Have you ever called a woman a bitch? whore? slut? hoe? To her face, or on her timeline, or under your breath or in your mind? Yes, the degrees of vulgarity differ but the effect is the same. It violates the personhood of a woman.

• 2 Pac's hit song 'Hit em up' starts with " First off, fuck your bitch... you claim to be a player but I fucked your wife." This is about a woman, her name is Faith Evans.

• Big Sean's platinum single " I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch i aint fuckin with you". This is about a woman, her name is Naya Rivera.

• Kanye West's song Famous and his reference to having sex with Taylor Swift coz "he made the bitch famous"- which he was subsequently absolved from thanks to footage from his ride or die. Taylor wanted to pull off a bit of a Hillary.. just a little bit.

These are lyrics to songs we enjoy and they are not played in locker rooms, they are played on public radio. These lyrics then influence the conversations about women, therefore is it so unfathomable that someone could use language of that nature when we have a culture of disparaging women as part of entertainment?

Lets be honest, if those words were part of a song by Future, Designer or The Game we would be doing a juju on that beat and a series of dabs.

Too soon?

 Similarly any physical assault of women is #notokay, the millions of women who shared their personal stories of sexual assault on Twitter using that hashtag was heartbreaking. Every woman who has been subjected men or women touching them inappropriately must continue to share their stories and most importantly report these perpetrators and perverts to the authorities.

The bottom line is we need to deeply examine the culture we have accepted with regards to the way we speak and act around women, or it will persist. If you don't understand how derogatory and terrible to use the word 'bitch' on women, listen to Iyanla here to learn how ugly it really is.

2) Xenophobia

Have you ever thought, said or muttered "those people", "these damn foreigners" or "they" amakwerekwere referring to immigrants? Keep it real with yourself.

Donald came out very strongly with his plans to build a wall, a big beautiful wall to keep undocumented Mexicans from entering America. He has also said he will deal as harshly and drastically with people of the Muslim faith.

Lets take a moment to think about a world with no migration (forced or voluntary) and all we would have missed out on! We wouldn't all know and enjoy the joys of pizza, pasta, macaroons, coffee, tea, haute couture fashions, sushi, diamonds, Beyonce, NBA ballers we love so much, the list is endless. *Slavery is not and was not ok.


Right now the world is experiencing a mass exodus as people flee from war and poverty torn countries in pursuit of peace, food and safety. A dose of compassion could serve us all. Compassion, as defined by Iyanla is "the ability to understand how someone could have made that decision, but it does not mean that you condone their actions".

I believe that we are all citizens of the world with every right to be on earth, but at times we find ourselves without the required documents to be in our location. My advice to those people is when find your feet and a place to lay your head, get the documents you need to- its ultimately for your protection because  you will have access to benefits and can enforce rights you can't without the documentation.

My humble opinon regarding the wall is it is not going to happen. The African National Congress promised free education and 22 years later students are still protesting for fees to fall. #FeesMustFall and #WallsMustFall!

3) Racism

I will have to disagree with my long time crush Lil Wayne on this one. Black lives do matter physically- in America and fiscally- in South Africa. We will not stop protesting on social media and on the streets until we sit at the table and we are served is ours from the blood and sweat of our ancestors.

Many of us, even the most educated and spiritual struggle with challenges around race. Hatred, paranoia, ignorance and fear are the seed-bed of racism. Donald has preyed on these and his association with the KKK has perpetuated it to frightening point... to where African Americans are considering coming back to Africa. We will be waiting for Samuel L Jackson at the airport and we have prepared his RDP next door to Trey Songz.


So What Now? Do we hide our heads in the sand and hide ya wife, hide ya kids for the next 4 years?


A friend of mine gave me a MacBook Pro a few months ago when I was having PC drama- which was subsequently resolved. I tried to use the Mac a few times, but it resulted in frustration because I couldn't figure it out and I let it gather dust. Then yesterday, after visiting a client I realised I forgot my PC charger at her offices and I was not back there during peak traffic, but I had work to do. I picked up the Mac, spent 90 minutes watching a Youtube tutorial on how to use it, downloaded Office :) and I am typing this post from my Mac!


See, change is upon us and how we respond it entirely up to us. I was unwilling to change my habits until I was forced to- but I also had the option to go "tools down" until I got my charger. Trump is here for the next 4 years, you can chose to wait for the next leader or you can find a way to win and create better a world so next time you have worthy candidates. The leaders we have today are a reflection of all the behaviour we have allowed to infiltrate our personal lives. What you say no to, will give your yes more power!

Here are 5 practical things you can do over the next 4 years- consider it as getting a qualification in being a better human. I am going to challenge myself too ..

1) Grab a new vocabulary.
We want to eat clean, so how about we speak clean? If you want to grab something, grab a door open for a woman and leave her pussy alone!

2) Lean In
Get involved in causes that promote women's rights, even if its an activity for a day or simply wearing a sticker! In the wake of the migration crisis, human trafficking has become a big problem, find out what you can do to protect and rescue young victims.

3) Invite a person of a different race for a meal in your home.
Be genuine and sincere in your invitation with a real desire to know who they are and hear their story. To those white people who have accepted that white privilege is real and admit you are beneficiaries of it, we are recruiting you to join the BLM movement. Perhaps when you explain it to your counterparts they may understand and have their own road to Damascus moment!

Side note: black people, do not go empty handed- get flowers or wine even the cheap kind will do!

4) Ask a person of a different nationality to invite you to their home.
Try to time this request around their country's independence day because they will probably celebrate it. People in the diaspora love to be patriotic, from afar. Ask them to prepare a native, homemade dish from their country and some of their local music for you to have  a culinary and sensory journey to their birthplace.

With 3 & 4,it  has to be intimate and do your best to learn. You can't control how the other person experiences it, but you will be better for it!

5) Love yourself

I love this poem by Nayyirrah Waheed from her book Salt:

If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world. but if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.

We can only give the love we have for ourselves to others and to love Him, who placed us here with all our soul, heart and mind. He controls the universe,  regardless of who is in the White House.

Basically;

Yoke'd Up

In the Northern Hemisphere

In South Africa, its spring and that means long, cool nights and short, lacy outfits! The summer bodies better come through!!

Trying to find bae is not seasonal, its a year round activity = MissionBae'dUp . Cuffing seasons may come and go, but the search is on- we just use different bait at the various times of the year. In winter, body heat and in summer showing the heat that is your body!

                                                                                  The Ultimate Matchmaker

Introducing the old school way to get bae'd up.. well not really, but kind of. Its called a Yoke!

If you have been in church for a decent amount of time you have heard these scriptures:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14)

and maybe

For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:30)

As a city slicker, I only discovered what a yoke looks like today. For the longest time I though this was a yoke:

Behold the plough!

The purpose of the yoke is to make weight of the work lighter on the animals by distributing it evenly on them. This means no animal is pulling alone or being dragged by the other. Its about helping and sharing the burden. 

See, because I had the wrong idea of what a yoke is, those verses above didn't quite hit home. The plough is a symbol of struggle, sweat and dirty work- whereas the yoke symbolises a grace that is extended to us, because Jesus didnt have to come down. He chose to and He still chooses to help us bear burdens He didn't create. He goes halvies with us, in fact, most of the time He goes more than that. 

In my mind, I saw a plough so I saw struggle, toil and exhaustion. This stress causing feeling that I have to do everything "No pressure, No diamonds.... If its to be, its up to me" were (are) my mantras. When I am frustrated I don't turn into a giant green monster that terrifies, mystifies and is beyond reproach by insurance companies. I kinda just resort to:

I  dont believe in  Scientology,, but they have developed some very useful study tips. One of them is clearing the undefined word- they suggest that your mind stops comprehending when you come across a word you don't understand. The theory is that your mind will not be able to understand beyond that word, so you must stop- get tools to define the word and proceed. There was a part of grace I didn't understand because I didn't know what a yoke was, so seeing this image of the yoke helped me tremendously, really, the penny dropped for me!

I think even in the quest to be bae'd up, the same principles apply. What is your focus on? on the plough or the yoke? Are you thinking of all the wonderful sex or the partner that will sit with you in emergency rooms when you have a sick baby? Are you thinking of the mansions or the person who will be holding your hand when the coffin of your mother or father is going down? You don't want to be pushing them into the grave too! Or if you are like me you see marriage or relationship as losing certain freedoms and basic human rights  , but you don't see the friendship and someone to warm your side of the bed in winter.

In conclusion, it is more important to be Yoke'd Up than to be Bae'd Up!

Thoughts?

J'aDora..

My grandmother passed on from pain to eternity on 15 July 2016. Her name was Dora. 

Ngiyabonga Gogo (Thank you Gran). I always felt that these prayers were my secret weapon. We always ended our calls with promises of prayer for each other..and I am certain you kept your end of the deal. Now that you are gone, these prayers will cease for me but I will do my best to pray for everyone else just like you did for all of us.

I am going through memories and thoughts towards  and of my grandmother. This is no particular order and really its part of my processing process. I hope you find hope as I recount about Dora, because J'aDora.

• My granny was uneducated,but wise and although she had very little in terms of finances she was extremely generous. She was the mother 10 children, that were born in very difficult political times and she was proud that each of them has been successful in their own right! My dad, aunts and uncles were raised with in the church as my grandfather was a man of the cloth, and continues to be a man of great faith!

• My grandparents were as different in looks as they were in persona; my grandfather with a booming voice, boisterous and very dark complexion. Whereas my grandmother has a very light with a gentle, yet firm nature. In my mind, I called them "Coke and Fanta."  My grandparents had been together for over 60 years and all my life I have only ever known them together, side by side, cane to cane. I dont know what its going to look like and be like to see my grandfather alone- none of us can picture it and that what is making us all worry. 

• This year I called my grandmother to wish her happy birthday as she was turning 77. It was my first time ever doing this and evidently also my last. Yet, every year- without fail she would remember my birthday and when she could get hold of me, she would sing me a jolly rendition of happy birthday.

• I have had body image issues for the longest time and I remember getting upset with my mother once and asking her "Why did you marry my father before you saw his mother? Now I am stuck with these genes and I will be fat forever!." 

My grandmother was born in the Eastern Cape, South Africa and somehow met a young man from Mozambique and they lived together till parted by death, in Zimbabwe. I dont have the full details of how this happened, but I know they tried to explain it to me and  I all I can remember is my grandfather calling her "ntombi" which means "young woman" and thinking "I want this kind of love". 

I am a South African citizen by descent by virtue of my grandmother so these genes were actually great in retrospect! I am a citizen in one of the greatest countries in the world!! We have a Constitution that has bestowed several rights to the citizenry and all human beings in South Africa. We have courts that protect the rights of enshrined in this Constitution and serve justice (most of the time). We have strong opposition political parties that are rigorously keeping this democracy alive and answerable. She was not in South Africa to enjoy all the privileges I so easily access and opportunities I enjoy as beneficiary of the blood in her veins. I will admit that I have done very little to find out more about her relatives and where was from- I just took the green ID book and ran!

Every time my grandmother called me she would ask me about work. She was always interested to find out how things were really going- if we were getting clients. My parents being lawyers gave her an understanding of what I do. When I started to work for myself, she asked me for some of my business so that she could give them out to people coming to South Africa and may need lawyers. Please keep in mind- my grandparents live deep in the rural areas, where there is no running water or electricity! The type of place where you need to be on or under a tree to catch a cellphone network!

I cannot remember the last time I saw my grandmother standing and walking upright. She was bent over on a cane for a number of years and she was in visible discomfort from her pain in her feet or knees or back. She has diabetes, high blood pressure and hypertension for as long as I can remember. I know that now she is no longer in pain and I am glad about that , but at the same time I will miss her so much. Its about living in that tension- of the relief that she is not hurting anymore and the pain of missing her. The only way to ease that tension is Jesus, He is the one who will bring peace to the situation. 

In John 14:16, Jesus says:

And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another [c]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever—

There is help on earth........ but wait............ there is more! According to Romans 8:34, there is help from heaven too!


Who is the one who condemns us? Christ Jesus is the One who died [to pay our penalty], and more than that, who was raised [from the dead], and who is at the right hand of God interceding [with the Father] for us

I get prayers from Jesus, thats actually next level epic!

I find strength in knowing that, right now my grandmother and many loved ones are in heaven with Christ. My grandmother felt asleep in pain and woke up to the one who loved her the most. She loves us, but she is not coming back to us and even if given the choice she would not want to! Heaven is GLORIOUS beyond words- according the Paul in Revelations. Who would want to leave the presence of God to come to earth? Other than Jesus of course, so He can have us with Him :)

My grandmother is doing heaven things and I need to be busy with earth things- fulfilling my purpose so that when its my turn to enter the Kingdom, surrounded by the cloud of witnesses- including my grandmother, when I hear these words:

She had a very distinct way of say bye, it sounded like "buy-buy" and it was one of the best parts of the conversation.

Bye bye Kokwane....

10 Signs He Loves You... In Song

I haven't written for you in a while, but I have been writing around the block, specifically at She Leads Africa! Check out my posts here and here. I wrote an article about Beyonce . Take a peek!

I am busy packing for my move back to my old hood.. My packing song is BIG's Back to Cali, lol! I found something I wrote in 2006 called 10 Signs He Loves You, so I figured I would share a bit of my corny side as it is Valentines month.

I was pretty insightful for a  19 year old and if I had taken my own advice I may have avoided some major catastrophes!

1) He listens to you and tries to help you find a solution. {Babyface: You were there}

2) There is an undeniable flow in the relationship, you can see it and others around you as  well.  
{ Destiny's Child: Brown eyes}

I'll throw in the bonus track of Bonnie and Clyde Part 2, to bring it to the future.

3) You don't have to compromise who you are, he makes you feel good about you. {Jamali: Love me for me}

4) You trust him completely because you know he wants the best for you. {Keisha Cole: Love}

5) He supports you in your professional,personally and spiritually, there is nothing he won't do for you. {Joe: All the things}

6) He would be your friend even if he wasn't your man. {Brandy: Best friend}

Ps: I now think men should stay in the friendzone forever.

7) Through his words and actions he shows you that you are different from other woman in his life. {Maxwell: Fortunate}


8) Both of you share common ground and are willing to grow together. {Tamia: Still}


9) You become part of his world, life and interests. { KO ft Nandi Mngoma}

10) He sacrifices for you and considers that a privilege. {Jaheim: Anything}

Most of the songs are old, but remember this is from 2006, I really cheated with number 9 though since its a 2015 song!

What are the new songs that you would choose for the signs? Any other signs we need to add to the list?

Militancy, Magic and Melanin!

I have spent this weekend in awe of black women! It started with my hair dresser who somehow always does right by my hair! Then I discovered an American based reality show called #BlackLove which follows 5 black women on their quest for love in New York. All the women are accomplished in their own rights- professional and educated, as well as extremely attractive but they can't seem to land 'the one'. It got me wondering about the challenges black, educated women in their 30's have in finding a man in Johannesburg. Hmmmm...

However today was all about my South Africa black girls, because local is lekker.

Today was the tomorrow Sarafina proclaimed.

And boy were the girls ready 'ziright zigirls' is an understatement! The fashion was on fleek, the song and dance got everyone in the same frame of mind and there a resounding, unspoken air of resilience as we all shared a scared moment in the Womens Jail. Unlike our predecessors we have the privilege of political freedom, its the other unwritten laws that we are jointly revolting against.

True to form I was late, very late. The poster said the event started at 12pm..I arrived at 5pm. I was betting on my melanin because I knew the event did not start at 12pm and would not end at 6pm. I was too late for the speeches, but just in time for the festivities and to connect with other girls who are black like me.This is not an endorsement for Herman Mashaba.

I walked around asking women what the big lesson and take away was for them, at first I was trying to catch up on the speeches I missed, but as I spoke to more girls it was to capture what brought them out of their homes in 30 degree weather in all black ensembles. I spoke to Noni who came structured her trip from Rhodes to coincide with the event, to Chloe who has come from Durban to find the fleeting fortunes of Johannesburg. I also met Raina who is also from Tongaat, like Chloe and it was pure magic to watch them form a bond which will hopefully turn into a friendship.


 "The energy in this environment feels like we are not going to fight because there is no difference in us.." Chloe

I hustled my way onto the stage and met the very sweet natured Maneo who was one of the organisers and fanned out with my fellow melaninaire Panashe Chigumadzi. I admire these women for coming together to bring pieces of the missing middle together for us to build the safe space we shared today. The presence of women of different age groups was a pleasant surprise- clearly 'kugug'othandayo', you are as young as you feel. 

A lot of the girls I spoke to said they could not hear what was being said as the sound was not entirely great, but they stayed and lingered a little longer because of the atmosphere. I could also see the way the girls became bold and fiery when I asked them their opinion on the day, it made me very happy to see this. We need to create more opportunities for black girls to give their opinion on things that matter to them.

 I believe women need them to be unapologetic, confident, and rebel through self hood. 

See you in 3 months...

Update, the footage I took at at the gathering was shared on the international news platform Newzulu, click here to view! Also upvote it after you look at it!

The Unsolicited Series on Generations and Uzalo (Part 1)

There is no better way to describe this week than the quote above. I am a fascist on free education opportunities so when the Gordon School of Business Science advertised that they were running a Business Bootcamp for businesses in the ICT sector; I jumped at the opportunity.

Yes, blogging is part of ICT

What I never espered   expected was the gruelling schedule which runs from 8:30 am to 5pm from Monday to Thursday. You know how 8:30 am usually means 9 am, and 5 pm means 4 pm- not at GIBS! This has resulted in me setting meetings from 6pm- yet somehow they start at 7pm! Ultimately resulting in being too late for Generations and Uzalo!

I grew up on Generations. I wanted to be Queen when I was about 9 years old, but as I grew older that changed dah-liing. Karabo has always been and continues to be a conundrum for me, she is like Marlena from Days.Her drug habit to the blind stint (remember when Marlena was demon possessed?) to the many men vying for her attention while she is unable to make a decision. Pick 1 dammit! It was out of nostalgia that I watched this programme with my uncle, now I am following with many reservations - which I will share!

Uzalo was not even on my radar, my uncle watches it as a gap filler between Generations and Muvhango. All due respect to the Muvhango cast and the nation of Venda, but I cannot with that show. Its like skinning  a cat, where do you begin? If PETA doesn’t catch you first.. I tried to watch it for 1 week and I gave up; same thing happened with High Rollers on SABC 3 and Power- an American TV series. Its like Orange is the New Black, there are certain award winning shows I can’t watch because I do not have the capacity for them.

Beautiful man, terrible show!

1)  (In) Fidelity

When I started watching these shows for a second I thought it was norm for people to accept playing second fiddle to another man or woman. Seriously, what is normal? Fidelity or infidelity?

Karabo, Tau and Zola! Can she just pick puppy she wants to take home already! Well, Simphiwe and Smanga faded! Mazwi and Nolwazi  get me thinking, so can you turn your side chic into your main chic? 

If you are a side chic, you dreams are NOT valid!

I feel we need to make that point very clear!

Onto Uzalo, that Nombuso was a freaky farm girl, the atypical church choir girl! Married to a pastor and  banging a thug! While at the same time, the man of the cloth wasn't so clean himself - sleeping with the sister of the thug that is smashing his wife. This comes off as incestuous.

Even across the shores President Grant and Olivia Pope are caught in a knickers knot, remember when Mary Jane was in that mess too?

 It clearly doesn't matter what tax bracket or geographical location you are in, keeping pants on is a universal challenge! With all we see on TV, is it too much to expect a monogamous relationship?

2) Suicide

In both shows, there are characters that have committed suicide Uzalo’s Amandla and Generations’ Simphiwe. One did it out of rejection and the other was dejected. Suicide is a very fragile topic especially among youth, according to a report published last year 10% of youth deaths are caused by suicide. South Africa also has the 8th highest suicide rate in the world, therefore this is clearly a subject that has to be approached delicately.

Simphiwe was caught up in some GTFOHWTBS BDSM and felt guilty for cheating on her husband- which culminated in her slitting her wrists on her wedding day, dying dramatically in church in her gown. Whereas young Amandla was born as the result of an affair to an opportunistic mother and egocentric father who rejected her, leading her to overdose on whoonga- I am not entirely sure what that is. Please do enlighten if you have more information.

I think Generations may have handled the theme slightly better because they showed a 1 second blurb on where people suffering from depression or feeling suicidal can get help. Uzalo kinda left it to the viewers to figure out so here, we figured it out:

Do not be ashamed for needing help, life is hard! Support, compassion and even a cup of tea you didnt pour for yourself can go a long way! For more info, click here.

3)  Repentant Gangsters

Kumkani came out of jail a completely different man! Who would have thought he would ever want to do the right thing thus turning Tshidi into a villain- so much for brotherly love! Even Cosmo had a lapse of common sense when dealing with that leach Esther. Does Lucy have a heart though? Who would steal from her poor pensioner mother? And keep the money in the freezer? That's cold!! (Pun totally intended)

Mastermind on the other hand- the strained relationship between Amandla and Xulu got him to reconsider where his loyalties really lie. When drugs were ruining Amandla's life, the community was there to support him in the form of Ayanda's family- while the people responsible for her sorrow were in their ivory tower... or in this case their workshop!

I kinda hate it when a bad guy goes soft, it takes the edge the away from him! I love how Justin Beiber has reformed his life though, keep it up! However I think its important to show that behaviours have consequences- especially considering the poor role models we have in society.  We need to show kids better values to aspire to, there are so many good stories and hopefully you do can share yours with someone that needs to hear it! 

What other themes have you identified in the shows that you want to point out?

Stay tuned because next week I  will bring the rest of my unsolicited opinion!

The New New

Lets make things clear

Happy New Year to you all from me and my hives! Yes, I have hives according to me and Dr Google and our 0 combined years at medical school. I have a rash, a nasty, hot and itchy kind that successfully turned my beautiful brown skin into a red rocky road.

My first line of action was to visit the pharmacist, most Africans  people only have hospital plans, so seeing a GP is at your own cost. Plus, pharmacists have some type of medical qualification so I kinda trust them- this really pisses off doctors. I was told to take 1 pill a day and rub some ointment on. Now, for a hypochondriac taking 1 pill a day is like telling someone with a migraine to drink water and go to bed. I decided to source my own expertise from my number 1 free doctor, Google! I am still currently busy with all types of home remedies to stop a rash, cure a rash , stop itchiness, looking at pictures of rashes, I am becoming irrational (hee hee, see what I did there :)). I am borderline obsessed with rubbing something new on my arms every hour. I no longer know if I am helping or hurting.

Ever noticed how when you are sick or broke, or hurting, it feels like that is all you have ever known. I have had this rash for 3 days, yet I seem to forget the other 362 days I was living without it. I feel like I have been itching for 28 years. Another funny thing is you feel like this what your whole life is going to be like. I googled hives, they don’t kill- but they can last up to 6 weeks! I should call Kenny Latimore and ask to borrow a turtle neck.

The thing is, I know I am going to get better. I know without a doubt that my skin will be restored and I will be applying lotion on my legs with a smile! I don’t know when its going to happen and that is killing me. Hence the hourly frantic routine. I decided to break this cycle- well I am actually waiting to see if the baking soda application worked, and asked myself “what would I do if I was 100% healthy ?” 

Its similar to the question “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?”. There are so many distractions out there, from hives to empty bank accounts to toxic relationships. Inasmuch as they are reality, we need to gear ourselves up for a new reality by breaking the pattern and reaching forward into the future we desire. I want to earn money from my blogging this year, the kind of money that can pay my bills.

In a few weeks time, I will be 100% better and still have this goal, depending on how I used this time – I will be closer or further from the goal. I could decide to wait till I am better to start working on it, or use this time right now to sow into the harvest I want to reap. While you are busy with the ‘ifs and whens’ life is happening and time, oh time is flying by I precious second at a time.

In 2016 lets us eliminate the ‘if and when’ and be ‘now-ists’, not just futurists. The future is literally the next breath you take, your next step and its up to you where you place them.

After writing this article I went to visit GP and got medication. The hives were clear in 3 days after that :) Dr Google can't write a script for the strong medicine!

I would also like to announce that the format of the blog is going to change a little! We are moving Trep Tuesday to a new platform that focuses solely on entrepreneurship called Trep Talk! The link will be shared soon. I am introducing a new feature called the Unsolicited Series where I give my opinion on matters that no one invited me to! 

Looking forward to hearing from you in this year, your views are all solicited!

What would you like to see more of?

Black Girl Did You Know?

I was hoping that my first post of 2016 would be something flowery, light and pink. Then Penny happened. And Chris. And Nicole.

Oh, so that's what you really feel

2016 started off LIT! The collective voices of black twitter and other social media came together and said :

Then in some distant land (America) came the sweet sound of Amandla Stenberg- as well as her face on the cover of Teen Vogue. While I was busy waiting for the winds of change to 'kumbaya", I didn't see that the clouds of the revolution forming on the ground.

There is a spirit of urgency to get the gospel of Black Girl Magic/Black Girls Rock/ Melanin Queens off the screens and into the streets.

Julee Wilson, the Senior Fashion Editor at the Huffington Post sprinkled some light and confetti on the definition of Black Girl Magic, because this stuff is too good to keep to yourself! Everyone is trying to jack appropriate it.  You can see more of that here.

Still, I needed, and clearly we needed something of our own. You know, to make it uhuru!

Then this happened!

A much needed and unapologetic gathering of beautiful brown dolls! There is a sense of being pressed in the air, and all women know that feeling! We cannot wait to GO!! Don't believe me? Check out  #FBGO on Twitter. Of course we have pissed off lots of people, but thats part of the Black Girl Magic, your existence causes a stir.


If you know whats good for you, ignore the topic if it doesn't directly involve you or you have nothing positive to contribute.. Otherwise be prepared to be checked..

               Clap back queens ready like..

This serves as a public service announcement, if you didn't know. Now you know!
Black  girl, did you know that apart from having magic, you ARE magic! I highly encourage full attendance of this event so that you can bask in the glory of the sun you radiate and absorb.

 We will light Joburg up without placing a strain on Eskom:)

Of course Brenda Fassie will provide the theme music, because istraight lendaba!