J'aDora..

My grandmother passed on from pain to eternity on 15 July 2016. Her name was Dora. 

Ngiyabonga Gogo (Thank you Gran). I always felt that these prayers were my secret weapon. We always ended our calls with promises of prayer for each other..and I am certain you kept your end of the deal. Now that you are gone, these prayers will cease for me but I will do my best to pray for everyone else just like you did for all of us.

I am going through memories and thoughts towards  and of my grandmother. This is no particular order and really its part of my processing process. I hope you find hope as I recount about Dora, because J'aDora.

• My granny was uneducated,but wise and although she had very little in terms of finances she was extremely generous. She was the mother 10 children, that were born in very difficult political times and she was proud that each of them has been successful in their own right! My dad, aunts and uncles were raised with in the church as my grandfather was a man of the cloth, and continues to be a man of great faith!

• My grandparents were as different in looks as they were in persona; my grandfather with a booming voice, boisterous and very dark complexion. Whereas my grandmother has a very light with a gentle, yet firm nature. In my mind, I called them "Coke and Fanta."  My grandparents had been together for over 60 years and all my life I have only ever known them together, side by side, cane to cane. I dont know what its going to look like and be like to see my grandfather alone- none of us can picture it and that what is making us all worry. 

• This year I called my grandmother to wish her happy birthday as she was turning 77. It was my first time ever doing this and evidently also my last. Yet, every year- without fail she would remember my birthday and when she could get hold of me, she would sing me a jolly rendition of happy birthday.

• I have had body image issues for the longest time and I remember getting upset with my mother once and asking her "Why did you marry my father before you saw his mother? Now I am stuck with these genes and I will be fat forever!." 

My grandmother was born in the Eastern Cape, South Africa and somehow met a young man from Mozambique and they lived together till parted by death, in Zimbabwe. I dont have the full details of how this happened, but I know they tried to explain it to me and  I all I can remember is my grandfather calling her "ntombi" which means "young woman" and thinking "I want this kind of love". 

I am a South African citizen by descent by virtue of my grandmother so these genes were actually great in retrospect! I am a citizen in one of the greatest countries in the world!! We have a Constitution that has bestowed several rights to the citizenry and all human beings in South Africa. We have courts that protect the rights of enshrined in this Constitution and serve justice (most of the time). We have strong opposition political parties that are rigorously keeping this democracy alive and answerable. She was not in South Africa to enjoy all the privileges I so easily access and opportunities I enjoy as beneficiary of the blood in her veins. I will admit that I have done very little to find out more about her relatives and where was from- I just took the green ID book and ran!

Every time my grandmother called me she would ask me about work. She was always interested to find out how things were really going- if we were getting clients. My parents being lawyers gave her an understanding of what I do. When I started to work for myself, she asked me for some of my business so that she could give them out to people coming to South Africa and may need lawyers. Please keep in mind- my grandparents live deep in the rural areas, where there is no running water or electricity! The type of place where you need to be on or under a tree to catch a cellphone network!

I cannot remember the last time I saw my grandmother standing and walking upright. She was bent over on a cane for a number of years and she was in visible discomfort from her pain in her feet or knees or back. She has diabetes, high blood pressure and hypertension for as long as I can remember. I know that now she is no longer in pain and I am glad about that , but at the same time I will miss her so much. Its about living in that tension- of the relief that she is not hurting anymore and the pain of missing her. The only way to ease that tension is Jesus, He is the one who will bring peace to the situation. 

In John 14:16, Jesus says:

And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another [c]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever—

There is help on earth........ but wait............ there is more! According to Romans 8:34, there is help from heaven too!


Who is the one who condemns us? Christ Jesus is the One who died [to pay our penalty], and more than that, who was raised [from the dead], and who is at the right hand of God interceding [with the Father] for us

I get prayers from Jesus, thats actually next level epic!

I find strength in knowing that, right now my grandmother and many loved ones are in heaven with Christ. My grandmother felt asleep in pain and woke up to the one who loved her the most. She loves us, but she is not coming back to us and even if given the choice she would not want to! Heaven is GLORIOUS beyond words- according the Paul in Revelations. Who would want to leave the presence of God to come to earth? Other than Jesus of course, so He can have us with Him :)

My grandmother is doing heaven things and I need to be busy with earth things- fulfilling my purpose so that when its my turn to enter the Kingdom, surrounded by the cloud of witnesses- including my grandmother, when I hear these words:

She had a very distinct way of say bye, it sounded like "buy-buy" and it was one of the best parts of the conversation.

Bye bye Kokwane....

10 Signs He Loves You... In Song

I haven't written for you in a while, but I have been writing around the block, specifically at She Leads Africa! Check out my posts here and here. I wrote an article about Beyonce . Take a peek!

I am busy packing for my move back to my old hood.. My packing song is BIG's Back to Cali, lol! I found something I wrote in 2006 called 10 Signs He Loves You, so I figured I would share a bit of my corny side as it is Valentines month.

I was pretty insightful for a  19 year old and if I had taken my own advice I may have avoided some major catastrophes!

1) He listens to you and tries to help you find a solution. {Babyface: You were there}

2) There is an undeniable flow in the relationship, you can see it and others around you as  well.  
{ Destiny's Child: Brown eyes}

I'll throw in the bonus track of Bonnie and Clyde Part 2, to bring it to the future.

3) You don't have to compromise who you are, he makes you feel good about you. {Jamali: Love me for me}

4) You trust him completely because you know he wants the best for you. {Keisha Cole: Love}

5) He supports you in your professional,personally and spiritually, there is nothing he won't do for you. {Joe: All the things}

6) He would be your friend even if he wasn't your man. {Brandy: Best friend}

Ps: I now think men should stay in the friendzone forever.

7) Through his words and actions he shows you that you are different from other woman in his life. {Maxwell: Fortunate}


8) Both of you share common ground and are willing to grow together. {Tamia: Still}


9) You become part of his world, life and interests. { KO ft Nandi Mngoma}

10) He sacrifices for you and considers that a privilege. {Jaheim: Anything}

Most of the songs are old, but remember this is from 2006, I really cheated with number 9 though since its a 2015 song!

What are the new songs that you would choose for the signs? Any other signs we need to add to the list?

Militancy, Magic and Melanin!

I have spent this weekend in awe of black women! It started with my hair dresser who somehow always does right by my hair! Then I discovered an American based reality show called #BlackLove which follows 5 black women on their quest for love in New York. All the women are accomplished in their own rights- professional and educated, as well as extremely attractive but they can't seem to land 'the one'. It got me wondering about the challenges black, educated women in their 30's have in finding a man in Johannesburg. Hmmmm...

However today was all about my South Africa black girls, because local is lekker.

Today was the tomorrow Sarafina proclaimed.

And boy were the girls ready 'ziright zigirls' is an understatement! The fashion was on fleek, the song and dance got everyone in the same frame of mind and there a resounding, unspoken air of resilience as we all shared a scared moment in the Womens Jail. Unlike our predecessors we have the privilege of political freedom, its the other unwritten laws that we are jointly revolting against.

True to form I was late, very late. The poster said the event started at 12pm..I arrived at 5pm. I was betting on my melanin because I knew the event did not start at 12pm and would not end at 6pm. I was too late for the speeches, but just in time for the festivities and to connect with other girls who are black like me.This is not an endorsement for Herman Mashaba.

I walked around asking women what the big lesson and take away was for them, at first I was trying to catch up on the speeches I missed, but as I spoke to more girls it was to capture what brought them out of their homes in 30 degree weather in all black ensembles. I spoke to Noni who came structured her trip from Rhodes to coincide with the event, to Chloe who has come from Durban to find the fleeting fortunes of Johannesburg. I also met Raina who is also from Tongaat, like Chloe and it was pure magic to watch them form a bond which will hopefully turn into a friendship.


 "The energy in this environment feels like we are not going to fight because there is no difference in us.." Chloe

I hustled my way onto the stage and met the very sweet natured Maneo who was one of the organisers and fanned out with my fellow melaninaire Panashe Chigumadzi. I admire these women for coming together to bring pieces of the missing middle together for us to build the safe space we shared today. The presence of women of different age groups was a pleasant surprise- clearly 'kugug'othandayo', you are as young as you feel. 

A lot of the girls I spoke to said they could not hear what was being said as the sound was not entirely great, but they stayed and lingered a little longer because of the atmosphere. I could also see the way the girls became bold and fiery when I asked them their opinion on the day, it made me very happy to see this. We need to create more opportunities for black girls to give their opinion on things that matter to them.

 I believe women need them to be unapologetic, confident, and rebel through self hood. 

See you in 3 months...

Update, the footage I took at at the gathering was shared on the international news platform Newzulu, click here to view! Also upvote it after you look at it!

The Unsolicited Series on Generations and Uzalo (Part 1)

There is no better way to describe this week than the quote above. I am a fascist on free education opportunities so when the Gordon School of Business Science advertised that they were running a Business Bootcamp for businesses in the ICT sector; I jumped at the opportunity.

Yes, blogging is part of ICT

What I never espered   expected was the gruelling schedule which runs from 8:30 am to 5pm from Monday to Thursday. You know how 8:30 am usually means 9 am, and 5 pm means 4 pm- not at GIBS! This has resulted in me setting meetings from 6pm- yet somehow they start at 7pm! Ultimately resulting in being too late for Generations and Uzalo!

I grew up on Generations. I wanted to be Queen when I was about 9 years old, but as I grew older that changed dah-liing. Karabo has always been and continues to be a conundrum for me, she is like Marlena from Days.Her drug habit to the blind stint (remember when Marlena was demon possessed?) to the many men vying for her attention while she is unable to make a decision. Pick 1 dammit! It was out of nostalgia that I watched this programme with my uncle, now I am following with many reservations - which I will share!

Uzalo was not even on my radar, my uncle watches it as a gap filler between Generations and Muvhango. All due respect to the Muvhango cast and the nation of Venda, but I cannot with that show. Its like skinning  a cat, where do you begin? If PETA doesn’t catch you first.. I tried to watch it for 1 week and I gave up; same thing happened with High Rollers on SABC 3 and Power- an American TV series. Its like Orange is the New Black, there are certain award winning shows I can’t watch because I do not have the capacity for them.

Beautiful man, terrible show!

1)  (In) Fidelity

When I started watching these shows for a second I thought it was norm for people to accept playing second fiddle to another man or woman. Seriously, what is normal? Fidelity or infidelity?

Karabo, Tau and Zola! Can she just pick puppy she wants to take home already! Well, Simphiwe and Smanga faded! Mazwi and Nolwazi  get me thinking, so can you turn your side chic into your main chic? 

If you are a side chic, you dreams are NOT valid!

I feel we need to make that point very clear!

Onto Uzalo, that Nombuso was a freaky farm girl, the atypical church choir girl! Married to a pastor and  banging a thug! While at the same time, the man of the cloth wasn't so clean himself - sleeping with the sister of the thug that is smashing his wife. This comes off as incestuous.

Even across the shores President Grant and Olivia Pope are caught in a knickers knot, remember when Mary Jane was in that mess too?

 It clearly doesn't matter what tax bracket or geographical location you are in, keeping pants on is a universal challenge! With all we see on TV, is it too much to expect a monogamous relationship?

2) Suicide

In both shows, there are characters that have committed suicide Uzalo’s Amandla and Generations’ Simphiwe. One did it out of rejection and the other was dejected. Suicide is a very fragile topic especially among youth, according to a report published last year 10% of youth deaths are caused by suicide. South Africa also has the 8th highest suicide rate in the world, therefore this is clearly a subject that has to be approached delicately.

Simphiwe was caught up in some GTFOHWTBS BDSM and felt guilty for cheating on her husband- which culminated in her slitting her wrists on her wedding day, dying dramatically in church in her gown. Whereas young Amandla was born as the result of an affair to an opportunistic mother and egocentric father who rejected her, leading her to overdose on whoonga- I am not entirely sure what that is. Please do enlighten if you have more information.

I think Generations may have handled the theme slightly better because they showed a 1 second blurb on where people suffering from depression or feeling suicidal can get help. Uzalo kinda left it to the viewers to figure out so here, we figured it out:

Do not be ashamed for needing help, life is hard! Support, compassion and even a cup of tea you didnt pour for yourself can go a long way! For more info, click here.

3)  Repentant Gangsters

Kumkani came out of jail a completely different man! Who would have thought he would ever want to do the right thing thus turning Tshidi into a villain- so much for brotherly love! Even Cosmo had a lapse of common sense when dealing with that leach Esther. Does Lucy have a heart though? Who would steal from her poor pensioner mother? And keep the money in the freezer? That's cold!! (Pun totally intended)

Mastermind on the other hand- the strained relationship between Amandla and Xulu got him to reconsider where his loyalties really lie. When drugs were ruining Amandla's life, the community was there to support him in the form of Ayanda's family- while the people responsible for her sorrow were in their ivory tower... or in this case their workshop!

I kinda hate it when a bad guy goes soft, it takes the edge the away from him! I love how Justin Beiber has reformed his life though, keep it up! However I think its important to show that behaviours have consequences- especially considering the poor role models we have in society.  We need to show kids better values to aspire to, there are so many good stories and hopefully you do can share yours with someone that needs to hear it! 

What other themes have you identified in the shows that you want to point out?

Stay tuned because next week I  will bring the rest of my unsolicited opinion!

The New New

Lets make things clear

Happy New Year to you all from me and my hives! Yes, I have hives according to me and Dr Google and our 0 combined years at medical school. I have a rash, a nasty, hot and itchy kind that successfully turned my beautiful brown skin into a red rocky road.

My first line of action was to visit the pharmacist, most Africans  people only have hospital plans, so seeing a GP is at your own cost. Plus, pharmacists have some type of medical qualification so I kinda trust them- this really pisses off doctors. I was told to take 1 pill a day and rub some ointment on. Now, for a hypochondriac taking 1 pill a day is like telling someone with a migraine to drink water and go to bed. I decided to source my own expertise from my number 1 free doctor, Google! I am still currently busy with all types of home remedies to stop a rash, cure a rash , stop itchiness, looking at pictures of rashes, I am becoming irrational (hee hee, see what I did there :)). I am borderline obsessed with rubbing something new on my arms every hour. I no longer know if I am helping or hurting.

Ever noticed how when you are sick or broke, or hurting, it feels like that is all you have ever known. I have had this rash for 3 days, yet I seem to forget the other 362 days I was living without it. I feel like I have been itching for 28 years. Another funny thing is you feel like this what your whole life is going to be like. I googled hives, they don’t kill- but they can last up to 6 weeks! I should call Kenny Latimore and ask to borrow a turtle neck.

The thing is, I know I am going to get better. I know without a doubt that my skin will be restored and I will be applying lotion on my legs with a smile! I don’t know when its going to happen and that is killing me. Hence the hourly frantic routine. I decided to break this cycle- well I am actually waiting to see if the baking soda application worked, and asked myself “what would I do if I was 100% healthy ?” 

Its similar to the question “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?”. There are so many distractions out there, from hives to empty bank accounts to toxic relationships. Inasmuch as they are reality, we need to gear ourselves up for a new reality by breaking the pattern and reaching forward into the future we desire. I want to earn money from my blogging this year, the kind of money that can pay my bills.

In a few weeks time, I will be 100% better and still have this goal, depending on how I used this time – I will be closer or further from the goal. I could decide to wait till I am better to start working on it, or use this time right now to sow into the harvest I want to reap. While you are busy with the ‘ifs and whens’ life is happening and time, oh time is flying by I precious second at a time.

In 2016 lets us eliminate the ‘if and when’ and be ‘now-ists’, not just futurists. The future is literally the next breath you take, your next step and its up to you where you place them.

After writing this article I went to visit GP and got medication. The hives were clear in 3 days after that :) Dr Google can't write a script for the strong medicine!

I would also like to announce that the format of the blog is going to change a little! We are moving Trep Tuesday to a new platform that focuses solely on entrepreneurship called Trep Talk! The link will be shared soon. I am introducing a new feature called the Unsolicited Series where I give my opinion on matters that no one invited me to! 

Looking forward to hearing from you in this year, your views are all solicited!

What would you like to see more of?

Black Girl Did You Know?

I was hoping that my first post of 2016 would be something flowery, light and pink. Then Penny happened. And Chris. And Nicole.

Oh, so that's what you really feel

2016 started off LIT! The collective voices of black twitter and other social media came together and said :

Then in some distant land (America) came the sweet sound of Amandla Stenberg- as well as her face on the cover of Teen Vogue. While I was busy waiting for the winds of change to 'kumbaya", I didn't see that the clouds of the revolution forming on the ground.

There is a spirit of urgency to get the gospel of Black Girl Magic/Black Girls Rock/ Melanin Queens off the screens and into the streets.

Julee Wilson, the Senior Fashion Editor at the Huffington Post sprinkled some light and confetti on the definition of Black Girl Magic, because this stuff is too good to keep to yourself! Everyone is trying to jack appropriate it.  You can see more of that here.

Still, I needed, and clearly we needed something of our own. You know, to make it uhuru!

Then this happened!

A much needed and unapologetic gathering of beautiful brown dolls! There is a sense of being pressed in the air, and all women know that feeling! We cannot wait to GO!! Don't believe me? Check out  #FBGO on Twitter. Of course we have pissed off lots of people, but thats part of the Black Girl Magic, your existence causes a stir.


If you know whats good for you, ignore the topic if it doesn't directly involve you or you have nothing positive to contribute.. Otherwise be prepared to be checked..

               Clap back queens ready like..

This serves as a public service announcement, if you didn't know. Now you know!
Black  girl, did you know that apart from having magic, you ARE magic! I highly encourage full attendance of this event so that you can bask in the glory of the sun you radiate and absorb.

 We will light Joburg up without placing a strain on Eskom:)

Of course Brenda Fassie will provide the theme music, because istraight lendaba!

The Great 28!

Its official, I am in my late 20's! 

And it is awesome! It feels like a stake in the ground, like I AM  here.I am fully present and bodied.. cue Beyonce song.. or not!

I am one of those people who takes my birthday over the top and I celebrate the entire month. It me and Jesus' birthday month- I will take gifts on behalf of us both! I am His proxy on earth, for gifts only- He does crucifixion  everything else....

I take this song literally

 

This isn't a long post because that one is percolating. It will land before New Years Eve. I am blessed to be loved by my friends and family who called from every continent! I am fortunate to have all 3 of you reading this blog! 

The Great 28 dance

7 Steps To Be A Good Feminist

I am a feminist.

There are so many definitions of feminism floating around out there, this is one of the few descriptions I agree with.

B isn't a feminist tho..

Amelia Pontes is one of those bloggers/ writers who goes into the depth of me and finds the perfect words to frame everything! She wrote this letter to her stunning niece Tessa when who was less than a year old at the time!

She has taken a bit of a break from writing, but this is one of the articles that resonated with me!

Click here to read the full post. Scroll to the post that says Dear Tessa: A Letter About Feminism.

Here are seven quick tips to being a "good" Feminist:

1. Question everything. Sometimes questioning can be done verbally in a classroom when a history teacher forgets to tell you about the important role women played in the Civil Rights Movement (Rosa Parks wasn't the only one). Sometimes you'll write the questions in your journal and discuss it later with a trust worthy group of women. Before you start throwing out people's ideas or dismissing what has come before you, examine it and appreciate it for what it is or was.

2. Read anything you can get your hands on. Your questions will get better because of this. It'll give you more time to think about the Why's and not just the What's. Read fiction and non-fiction. Get lost in a story. Get uplifted by the possibilities. Get knocked on your ass by the cruel reality of our world's violent and discriminate past.

3. Play sports. Some people will say that I am being a pushy aunt and trying to make you a superstar athlete. However, I don't give a shit if you ever learn how to properly shoot a ball (but you will), I do care that you stand in a locker room with ten to fifteen other girls. In that room you will see different body types. You will watch them on the same uniform, borrowing lotion from one another to hide the same ashen winter skin, and lacing up hightop sneakers to protect twisting ankles. This is where you will learn that the female body is a vehicle for strength and not an object of arousal by the male gaze. Playing on these teams, you will have the courage to say No because you will know that this body, your body, is your prized possession.

4. Be responsible for the energy you bring. Often this piece of advice isn't given in the context of feminism and empowerment, but as women we bare the burden that requires us to be both button pusher and hugger. Be an ally to everyone in the room. Even if you disagree with every molecule in that person's body, find a way to throw them a rope which keeps them from drowning in their disillusioned ideology.  Feminism is not about standing on a pedestal, yelling about equality (most of the time), but it's about offering an alternative to the existing misogynistic patriarchal way of thinking. It's about showing a new way of being, which is both strong, yet kind and considerate of the people with whom we share space.

5. Remember that men are not your enemy, but their way of thinking can be. Even the good and honest men that you love all the way down to the lint in between your toes will make jokes or say comments that will contradict your Feminism. You are still allowed to love those men. You should still love them. Question why (Rule #1) they think this way and help them navigate through those thoughts. This won't be done for every man (and it shouldn't) because some men are just douche bags and not worthy of your time.

6. Confident and smart women are not a threat to your success, they are your best asset. The more women we have that are moving through industries, being innovative, and climbing up the ladder the better off all of us will be. We need all women, those who are at the top of the capitalistic food chain and those that who barely eating, to simultaneously push against that fabled glass ceiling.

7.  Do not live your life according to an ideology. Feminism is about the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want (unless your parents say no). It's not about putting on a power suit and walking into a boardroom with a briefcase and a scowl. It's not about becoming a domestic goddess either. Feminism has given us the opportunity to expect it all and to try our best to have it all. Feminism is the raising of expectations of what a woman can be.

What else do you think makes a good feminist?

Fab Friday: Lean and Dab

I want you guys to have the freshest dance moves at your year end functions!

Cam Newton Dabbin'

I discovered this new dance yesterday and I love it!It is called the "Dab"! You can still hold onto the Shmoney dance though..


I have become one of those people who googles the lyrics and meanings of words in songs.. I think the dance has something to do with drugs. I hope I am talking to people who know that Fetty Wap is not making Patty Labelle pies in the kitchen!

Here is a low key version:

Put some sauce in it!

And if your cardio is in point, you can try the one below with a combo of the nae-nae, whip, the quan, something called 'top drop' and many others!

There is challenge going on social media, would love to see your interpretations of this dance!

*The fact I am saying interpretations of a dance shows my age!

Trep Tuesday: Too Much Hustle, Not Enough (cash) Flow

As an entrepreneur you never know when you will get your break, so you are always on the look out and ever ready! You say "yes" to way too many things because you want to be known, or seen to be known as the "guy or gal who has it going on".. whatever "it" is!

Right now with the end of the year looming, its important to secure and finalise some deals so that you get your Dezemba  money and some cash to tide you over in the first 2-3 months of the new year.

Don't be this guy

Being a poor struggling artist is romantic and deep, being a poor struggling entrepreneur is scary. 

Sometimes you feel like you are hustling endlessly, networking, connecting with people on LinkedIn, sending emails that get ignored- basically there is no recognition for your hustle. 

I would like to share a personal story to give hope to your hustle:

On 17 September 2015, Leaderex happened, for those who don't know what that is click here. I had my free ticket and  it was cool! You know the expo grind- swapping business cards, getting flyers and asking unnecessary questions. After about 2 hours of this my partner Zani decided to find a place to sit  and went to a different floor. My feet began to hurt and I followed her, only to for her to tell me about some other events on that floor.

Destiny Connect Homepage

Miraculously we walked into an event hosted by Destiny Connect and First For Women, this was a closed event but somehow we hustled our way into the room and onto the home page of Destiny Connect. We literally had not been in the room for 2 minutes when our picture was taken. We got to talk to Khanyi and get our photo with her too. She is EVERYTHING!

* We are now subscribing members to Destiny Mag! *

Then a week ago we got found out that we are in the December issue (picture above) and what a historic issue to be "featured" in with Nompendulo Mkatshwa on the cover. I wanna be her when I grow up!

Did we get our cash flow up from this? Not yet ! But we got some recognition and at times that's enough- money is better to help you feel like you are not stagnant. 

What has your hustle yielded? Any tips of how to get the cash flow up?

For the biggest year end event for entrepreneurs follow @blackout_za on Twitter and The BlackOut SA on Facebok! We want to recognise all your hard work this year!

Monday Madness: Thank you Mom and Shonda Rhimes

The title of Shonda Rhimes' new book is 'Year of Yes', however most of the news has been about that she said no to marriage. I haven't watched the full episode yet, but its Monday and I said Yes to writing every Monday! The few clips I watched were inspiring and its  liberating to say 'yes' and probably equally to say 'no'. It all comes down to a level of maturity and self awareness where you know what you need. Do you need to stop saying Yes or start saying No? or the opposite? 

She sat down to talk to Oprah. Can we have a moment of silence to respect that synergy of  the power of these amazing black women in TV and film.

I don't want to focus on the marriage segment or the get into the "can women have it all?" discussion. We will get there, don't worry. Shonda said she likes to date and have boyfriends- both things I do not like. To be honest, I find it embarrassing to have a boyfriend. 

Mmm maybe I have poor taste

Of all the clips I saw, this one struck a nerve:

I lost my mother when I was 13. Most of the memories I have about my mother are of her at work, barefoot and behind her desk until after 9pm. On Sundays after church she would stay for a quick lunch and head back to the office. My mother was a pioneer in the legal fraternity in Botswana. She started her own law firm in her early thirties and its still standing today almost 20 years later. Plus, she was a huge Oprah fan!

My mother was not on the level of Shonda Rhimes, but if she had more time on earth she would have been on the cover of every business publication! I think she felt guilty about how much time she spent at work, so she would always make sure she gave us all of her when she was home and insisted on vacations every year! 

Today, I am so grateful for the image of womanhood she presented to me. She showed me that its ok to be a powerful woman, to be different and stand alone while  pursuing some unconventional ideas- growing up my mother had like 5 side businesses! When you see me hustling and grinding, I am simply doing what I was taught: I got it from my momma! 

It took me a while to find my voice and niche, but now that I am getting there, I think my mom would approve of this message:

What did your mom or other career moms like Shonda Rhimes teach you about life?